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The Ayesha Curry Bandwagon: How our women get lost, and how we don’t listen

These are the times of the bandwagon.

People see it coming in the distance.

First the dust being kicked up.

Then, as it gets closer…

Look at all those people on it!!!

It’s an almost irresistible energy that looks inviting and fun.

So people get on.

Some may ask where it’s going, but even if anyone happens to know, no one really cares, because so many people are on it!!!!!

Honestly, I understand it.

People are lonely and hurting. They want to be included and feel special. We all have a desire to be a part of something that’s bigger than us. The bandwagon then becomes a temporary filler of that internal void some of us feel.

Social media has become the super bandwagon. Posts and memes are created in hopes that others will latch on to them, not matter how mean or irrelevant the posts are. The attention, no matter who it hurts, makes us feel validated.

When entrepreneur Ayesha Curry made statements on Red Table Talk recently about being married to Stephen Curry, people began criticizing and making fun of her. It was almost immediate. Before I even knew all of what she said, the memes and the tweets were already coming full force.

People get extra creative extra quick when a public figure says something they don’t like/don’t agree with.

When I got the opportunity to watch the show and listen to her in total context, I knew immediately that Ayesha had been trampled by the bandwagon.

Yes. I’m a man. So I can’t claim to know how a woman may feel or what women are going through, but I think I’m emotionally intelligent enough to put the pieces together in this instance.

When women get married, they become the wife. The caretaker. The mother. It’s not that women don’t enjoy these things, as I’m sure some of them do, but societal thinking/norms has forced women into these traditional roles of just being solely the wife of whoever she’s married to, and not her own person.

We’ve heard it from the days of old. “A wife must submit to her husband.”

At a recent conference featuring women who have married basketball players, Gabrielle Union Wade posed the question perfectly. She asked, “How come I have to be Dwyane Wade’s wife? Why can’t he be Gabrielle Union’s husband?”

This question speaks to how a lot of married women feel, and it speaks exactly to Ayesha Curry’s sentiment on Red Table Talk.

In the eyes of their peers and in the eyes of the general public, some women become so dissolved in their marriage they aren’t even introduced without being attached to their husband. No matter how much they accomplish, they will always be Dwyane Wade’s wife. Steph Curry’s wife. Of course there are some exceptions, but for the most part, no matter how much women are able to gain outside of who they are married to, they still get attached to their husbands and become just a part of the whole instead of a person above and beyond the relationship.

If you notice, when Dwyane Wade is spoken of, you won’t hear him introduced as “NBA player and Gabrielle Union’s husband, Dwyane Wade”. It’s usually just “NBA Superstar Dwyane Wade”, but now that Gabrielle is married to him, her introductions have changed, usually to somehow include his name, such as, “Gabrielle Union, wife of NBA player Dwyane Wade”. I left out the word “actress” in her introduction because sometimes she doesn’t even get the earned respect of being introduced as such, and this diminishes her tireless efforts to become the well established, award winning actress she is.

Gabrielle was knee deep and accomplished in her career before she was ever in the same room with Dwyane. Why then is she reduced to just “Dwyane Wade’s wife” in conversations that sometimes don’t’ even have anything to do with Dwyane?

When Ayesha Curry was speaking about “attention”, I can imagine she was speaking more to the fact that women get lost in their relationships and marriages to men, and people don’t recognize the women first, if at all. People recognize the men first. Unfortunately, men are accomplices to the deaf ears of women’s emotional callings, as men are so accustomed to being out front and in charge, they don’t even recognize it when their wives feel like they have no identity.

Instead of recognizing this fact, people began side eying Ayesha, and thought it more suiting to listen with their personal voids than to listen with their hearts.

First off, Red Table Talk has established itself as a place where people, particularly women, can speak on their experiences and how they feel in a safe space. The show has created a cathartic environment for its guests and a platform for those guests to share in hopes that others can begin their own healing.

It is then sad that when Ayesha spoke freely on how she feels, her experience was dismissed. Laughed at by those on the aimless bandwagon who most likely didn’t even watch the entire episode to get the full breath of what she was talking about.

We continue to do this to our women over and over again. We ignore their feelings as if they don’t matter and as if their journey as women, the true heroes in all our lives, deserves no validation.

We saw it with R. Kelly. He’s destroyed the lives of countless women, yet his fiercely protective fans say, “Well, they must have wanted it”, or “They were in it for the money.”

Our women go through tragedy, and it’s passed off.

Our women express how they feel, and their feelings are danced on through self serving social media posts.

We as men take our women for granted. Our wives, our mothers, and our sisters- they are there for us as men. They protect and provide for us so much we almost expect them to completely turn their lives over to us. Yet when they need us the most, we walk away and laugh, because it feels better to try and validate ourselves as men instead of lifting up our women.

What was also startling was to see the amount of women jumping in to bash Ayesha, saying she had “low self esteem” and was “jealous” of her husband.

Some women have been so hurt and abandoned by the men in their lives, they can’t even recognize it when another woman among them is calling out for help. Granted, with Ayesha being well off financially, other women may think her situation needs no sympathy. We’ve seen over and over again though that money can’t buy happiness. In a lot of instances for people that are wealthy, the combination of that and fame brings on emotional problems that their excess of money won’t solve.

It’s easy to see how our women get lost in their relationships. They are so selfless it’s almost second nature for them. When they express that it doesn’t feel good, it’s jolting, and causes a knee jerk reaction in a lot if instances like the response we’ve seen to Ayesha’s remarks.

This is not a feel sorry for women message. They don’t deserve our pity as much as they do our encouragement, our positive energy, and our appreciation for all they have sacrificed for us as men, and as sisters to other women. One may look at an Ayesha Curry and think she has a perfect life, but when you see a well established woman like her saying that her life and her marriage isn’t perfect, and that she sometimes feels left out and overwhelmed, we should probably consider the fact that what she feels is valid for her, and for so many other women who don’t know where their relationships with men end, and where they as women begin.

Writer of life, Actor, Host/Comedian, and Spoken Word Artist. The last great Atlanta native.

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