Live And Die By The Gucci Slides

Unlike the rest of the world, Atlanta does not have four seasons.

We only have three.

358 days of summer, 2 days of fall, and 5 days of winter.

During those 5 winter days, there is something I know all of us have witnessed.

A figure coming down the street. He has on either a huge hoodie, or just a big coat, sometimes with fur around the hood.

Joggers, or pants so tight it’s a wonder his knees can bend.

As he walks, closer and closer, his full attire is coming into view, and the whole time you hear a familiar sound.

Flopping very quickly as he walks, are the Gucci Slides.

Gosh they look comfortable.. but wait! It’s COLD!

Now even though we only have five days of winter in Atlanta, (they can occur anywhere between December and April) those 5 days are excruciating.

The older I get, the less things surprise me anymore, but my curiosity about some things has never wavered.

So why someone would want to submit their poor feet to 10-this feels like death-degrees below zero weather is an anomaly to me.

Who is letting these men walk out the door like this?

Even if they aren’t seen leaving the house, the sound of flopping Gucci Slides can be heard miles away, so SOMEONE had to have heard the sound of someone leaving the house in slides.

Hell there are so many Gucci Slide walkers on Bankhead Highway (it will ALWAYS be Bankhead Highway) it sounds like a round of applause that I’m sure I can hear from my job if I shut my eyes and listen closely……

I work in Brookhaven.

Is it about fashion?

I mean I guess if you pay $400-$500 (or maybe $100-$200 if you catch a sale) for a pair of slides, you want to be sure they are seen. I’m just not sure if it’s worth the risk of your feet freezing and turning into ice blocks.

Could you still see the Gucci Slides through ice blocks?

Maybe that could be Gucci’s next line!

Ice Block Gucci Slides!

I don’t know… maybe I just need to try harder to wrap my mind around it.

Maybe I should try to wrap my feet around it?

Hmm.. that sounds provocative.

Speaking of provocative.. maybe it’s about the sex appeal. In conversations I’ve been told that slides are “sexy”, either with socks, or if the guy wearing them has nice feet.

That could be it. Maybe the thinking is the sex appeal of the Gucci Slides and the socks will convince someone to give the Gucci Slide walker a ride! So he doesn’t have to walk in the cold!

I mean there’s nothing wrong with giving a stranger a ride, as long as he has on Gucci Slides!

And it must be right because it rhymes!

Do I find slides and socks or slides and nice feet attractive? I’ll plead the fifth on this one, but what I will say is NOT attractive is a dude in Gucci Slides that WON’T PICK UP HIS FEET!

Instead of the “flop-flop” sound, it’s “slide-flop-slide-flop”. THAT is not attractive.

It’s quite irritating.

I get it though. Slides are convenient. Easy on, easy off. No shoe strings to tie, no worries about your sock sliding down inside your shoe (which is just below wet socks as the worst feeling in the world).

Maybe THAT’S it.. maybe it’s just about the ease of it. There’s almost no thought to putting on a pair of Gucci Slides and just walking out of the door.

I’m too cautious though.

What if I’m out in my Gucci Slides and I have to run?

What if the person that loaned me some money that I used to get the slides rolls up on me before I’ve paid them back and they see $400 on my feet? I may need to take off!

It’s been proven that you can’t run in Gucci Slides.. Or ANY slides for that matter.

Any time I see a random slide somewhere with the other one no where in site, or a few blocks away, I know someone had to take off running.

I see this more with Adidas Slides and Champ Slides than with Gucci Slides.

BECAUSE GUCCI SLIDES ARE SPENSIVE!

Yes, spensive. They cost so much money there’s none left to buy another vowel.

I suppose if someone in Gucci Slides has to take off running, they secure the bag first. That is, they take off the slides and hold them while they run, because I have NEVER seen one Gucci Slide by itself.

Not that it would do me any good.

I guess you can’t sell one Gucci Slide on eBay.

Well wait, there was that one time where I saw what I thought was a singular Gucci Slide, but then when I got closer I saw the red stripe was actually a piece of tape and it was coming off.

Guess those were Gootchie Slides and not Gucci Slides.

Perhaps I’ve gotten a little of course here with my earlier pondering. Or perhaps not.

Maybe this whole things is bigger than Gucci Slides.

I mean there is a rapper named Gucci- as in Mane.

Wait.. is he named Gucci after the clothing brand? Or is it because he just sounds like someone who should be named Gucci? (although when he says it, it sounds more like “Gooshy”)

Maybe it’s bigger than that.

Maybe it’s bigger than rap.

I mean there has to be something about a pair of slides that would give someone the au-got-damn-dacity to walk outside with them on in weather so cold even a polar bear would have to ask God what’s happening.

Maybe they’re just that comfortable. Maybe they feel so good on your feet you can’t tell how cold it is.

Maybe I need to stop writing and go get a pair.

But wait.. I don’t have $400!!

Anybody want to make a deal on some Gucci Slides?

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