Moist, cheesy, gay mozzarella sticks!!

Dear Pastor Troy: Applebee’s Mozzarella Sticks Didn’t Do It

In the freedom of expressing opinions, I particularly love it when some random person with an attention deficit comes all the way out of a bag to share totally unsolicited thoughts.

Thank you Pastor Troy for being led.

Before we go any further..

No, I’m not eating mozzarella sticks, BUT..

I am gay. Very gay.

Like sometimes I spell it “G-H-E-Y”.

Like my husband and I have been together for 7 years, married for almost two, gay.

From that, the following… read will include some “gay ass shit” (I have no idea why people feel the need to add “ass shit” when they observe something “gay”.)

Too much for you? Then this is your stop chief.

Get off the bus now before we get to Applebee’s.

Pastor Troy had some choice words about Lil Nas X in a since removed Instagram rant, but the Internet always wins:

No one:

Absolutely no one:

Absolutely positively not one Grammy judge:

Pastor Troy: “I didn’t win a Grammy cause of what I choose not to wear!”

So we’ve just found out… or well.. it’s just been publicly acknowledged that the Grammy’s are rigged. Oddly enough, no one rigged the Grammy’s in favor of giving Pastor Troy one.

In fact, after a 20 year, 29 full length album career, he doesn’t have a single nomination.

Not one.

So he doesn’t dress like Lil Nas X, and he thinks THAT’S the reason he won’t win a Grammy?

Sounds like he could get RuPauled up, call himself Pastor Troyiesha, and STILL wouldn’t get one.

The hilarity continued with his choice to be very specific about the food consumption of what he assumed to be two gay guys, and then his son lashes out at their location,

“Fuck Applebee’s!”

Whooaaa chillay! How did all this anger about sexuality get misdirected at Applebee’s and mozzarella sticks?

WAIT! I LOVE APPLEBEE’S MOZZARELLA STICKS!!

SO DOES MY HUSBAND!!

Is THAT what made us gay????????

Shit! *Panics*

Ok, we know that’s not how any of this works. People are attracted to whom ever for a host of reasons. There are those that don’t like it, and that’s fine. Everyone isn’t going to be an ally or understand, but Pastor Troy and his son sound like grunting neanderthals. Punks? Fuck Applebee’s? I imagine the MEN eating the mozzarella sticks were wondering what Troy and his son were growling about.

Speaking of animals, Pastor Troy went on to banter with someone in the post comments, showing the huge gaping chasm between his brain cells and their understanding of how sexuality works.

Hold for the receipts please:

“When the last time you seen a gay animal?”

Seen?? First of all, someone give this man a SAW.

Non sequitur. Too many adults don’t know when to use the word SEEN and when to use the word SAW.

I see you.

Second of all..

NIGGA!

We BEEN KNEWED several species of animals do “gay ass shit”.

No, not eating mozzarella sticks, having intercourse with each other. Showing affection for the same gendered animal. This one is open and shut boss. Humans AND animals are gay.

Wonder if Pastor Troy has any pets that like cheese..

Lastly, it’s the thing all straight people that are scared of “the gays” love to talk about: the “gay agenda”.

Yup, gay people have an agenda. The same one most humans gave. Inclusion, representation, fair treatment. We want to be loved and respected. We deal with pain and rejection from family, friends, and the church, which ultimately makes us feel like we’re being rejected by God, even though we’re not (if you’re some how a Bible scholar that has read this far, please research the Bible outside of the bible before you come for me).

So since we’re treated unequally because of who we love, we push our agenda all up in the mozzarella sticks.

Anyone with two eyes or a third eyes should see this. What can someone with a third eye not see?

Pastor Troy’s Grammys.

Cause he ain’t got NAN.

The post he removed was replaced with an advertisement for his next radio show segment titled, “Can Straight People Have An Opinion?”

Of course straight people can have an opinion. Where straight people get in trouble is when their opinion is expressed in a strictly visceral way that exposes their lack of intelligence.

Because animals ain’t gay.

If anything Pastor Troy introduced himself to the current generation of music fans. The “Who is Pastor Troy?” question has ransacked social media over the last few days. I’m sure his Google searches are up.

So after all the ranting and raving, what’s changed? Nothing.

Pastor Troy still has no Grammy’s, and some lions are still gay.

Oh well, as you were…

Writer of life, Actor, Host/Comedian, and Spoken Word Artist. The last great Atlanta native.

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